Big Alligator River / Il fiume del grande caimano (1979)

1.0 out of 5

Most of the movie's locations look like they were scouted at the bottom of a rusty swimming pool outside Rome. Or maybe it was a bathtub, judging from the size of Sergio Martino's beloved miniatures.

Basically a Pirhana plotline, that's right, not even a Jaws plotline, enables Barbara Bach, Mel Ferrer, Romano Puppo and some bewildered extras to gather at an exotic resort where the natives and one bloated alligator mask terrorize the public.

There's not even any decent gore, as every alligator attack climaxes with what looks like a few dozen cans of SpaghettiOs dumped in the water. The movie's obese synthesizer score is amusing, but the beast itself can hardly justify all the pitch bends and chordal shrieks on the soundtrack.

The miniatures do satisfy on some level, especially for those who thought that the tiny buildings and reflective surfaces were exciting in Martino's After the Fall of New York.

Maurizio Merli header graphic courtesy of Paddy O'Neill of Foxyfide Graphics